Working it out
Sep 26th, 2007 by scrappitydoodah
I’m doing what my friend Bess calls ‘crock-pot thinking.’ I’ve thrown all the ingredients in my brain and am just taking awhile to let it all simmer before I make a decision. Part of this process for me includes writing down my thoughts, because it forces me to examine each part of the ‘recipe’ before throwing it in the pot. Before I do that, though, I want to thank each of you for your comments to my last post. I haven’t responded to them individually because I’m somewhat drained right now. I do appreciate each one of them.
So here goes:
This isn’t really a homeschooling issue. This is a behavior and lifestyle issue, and there are several forces at play that complicate things further. First, it’s that perpetual problem moms have…no time for ourselves, no time to unwind and take a break and do something just for ourselves, just for fun, just to destress. The times I do manage this are extremely inconsistent…I’m talking less than once a month. Being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling to boot…that’s a full-time job. We don’t get the break of driving to and from work alone in the car; we don’t get the conversations around the water cooler with other adults throughout the day; we don’t get the fifteen minutes away from our desks to grab some water or a quick snack or use the restroom without interruption. So even those few minutes a day of time away from other people might seem like a luxury to us. I’ve been through this before; I’ve been jealous of my husband for being able to have alone time driving to and from work. I always resolve to begin consistently making time for myself, and I might even follow through with a trip to the bookstore or the library one evening a week for a couple of weeks, but somehow that just…stops.
So there’s ingredient number one: not enough time alone.
Ingredient number two: I’m quiet and introspective by nature, and although my eldest child (who is ten) is very much like that, too, I have two other children (ages 7 and 8 ) who most definitely are not. The Sun is the attention-seeker, the drama queen, the “OMG I can’t wait until I’m a teenager and get breasts” child who begs to go to the hospital for a torn cuticle. Then there is The Comet, who burst from the womb making a lot of noise and chatter and hasn’t stopped since.
Let me give you a little example of The Comet during his science lesson today. Bear in mind he speaks very rapidly and I’m sure the woman two houses down could hear him if the windows were open. He is working on the seasons. “Look, Mama, I’m supposed to draw a flag on a windy day. I drew the United States flag. Look how straight it is! HAHAHA, the wind is really blowing! Once I was outside and the wind was blowing really hard and I went “waaaaaaah!!!!!” and fell down, hahahahaha! It would have been really funny if I fell in a pile of leaves. Leaves fall off the trees in autumn. Look, this picture shows autumn. Those birds are flying south. Florida is south! It’s warm in Florida. Not cold! Winter is really WEIRD there. They don’t have snow like we have snow. They have fake snow sometimes, though. That’s why I like to go to the pool in autumn and winter there, because it isn’t very cold. Unless (name of person) is being grumpy, then that’s not very fun. But that fake snow is funny! Look at the squirrel with the nuts, hahahahaha! He’s trying to put them in his mouth to carry them away. I wonder where he’s hiding them. Where do you think, Mama? (doesn’t wait for an answer) I think he’s going to sneak and eat some of them before winter. Look at those leaves! Some of them are probably red. Red is my favorite color. That’s why I like my red shirt so much. Hahaha, what if the squirrel could wear a red shirt to keep him warm in the winter? hahahahahaha!”
Dear God, it’s like his stream of consciousness is housed in his mouth, not his mind. 
And it might sound funny to read about it, but trust me, when it’s constant, it’s not so funny.
So, ingredients so far are lack of alone time, and loud children. I’m trying to think of a way to say ‘loud children’ without it seeming so negative, but in this case, I’m all about the inside voices, and truth is truth, right?
Ingredient three is what someone suggested in the comments to the last post: age. Hit me up the side of the head, because I do think these are age-related behaviors in many ways. The reason it seems so shocking is because The Moon (10) was an angelic child who didn’t go through the phases and exhibit the behaviors the other two are.
Oh, by the way: the suggestion of touring them through a public school is a good one. So is enrolling them for a short while so they can see what it’s about. The problem is this: my husband wants me to pick one scenario and stick with it. If I go the public school route, that’s final…no bringing them home. He wants me to be totally committed to whichever decision we reach. So really, the threat of public school is pretty much an empty one.
So I’ll just let all that stew around in the crock pot for awhile and come back to it later.
I have no real experience homeschooling, just a desire every once in a while to do it. But I was thinking about your son’s stream of consciousness and I can imagine how tiring that can be. I was thinking what if you got him a tape recorder and let him tape himself. Let him tape his thoughts and maybe he can play them back at the end of the day or something. But in this way, he’s still able to do the talking he needs to do, but not make you have to listen to it. He might really have fun with this. And I think one thing to consider is that you are his playmates he would have were he in public school. If he were there, he’d be talking their ears off instead of yours and they probably wouldn’t mind so much. but also he might not do it so much. I just thought of that, that you are replacing everything he may or may not get at public school. I think if you look at it in this light, it might help you make a decision. Not that I’m saying public school is your answer because I don’t know that it is. In fact, i don’t know that ps should be looked upon as punishment. It is, after all, learning, and we want our kids to find learning as enjoyable as possible. But I do think that if you look at all the roles and hats you’re going to need to wear throughout his education, you might be able to more clearly see what you want to do.
I hope this helps. And I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m pushing public school because I’m not. There are some serious flaws there.
“Dear God, it’s like his stream of consciousness is housed in his mouth, not his mind.”
LOL LOL! This is my oldest child. We call her Princess Constant Chatter.
This is tough. I’m with you on so much of what you’re saying. My husband complains about sitting in traffic and all the while, I’m thinking “Forty-five minutes, in the car alone, listening to silence and my own music. That sounds great!”
I think you need to explain to your husband that you need a couple of hours a week. Take a yoga class or a pottery class etc. I would love to do that, but my husband’s schedule changes every week, so that’s not possible. Before you make a drastic decision like putting them in school, sit down with your husband after the kids are in bed and see ifthere isn’t a way for you to get some timefor yourself. Also, I would save a lesson or two for your husband to do with them when you are away, so he can experience homeschooling.
HUGS to you!
I love your reflective and honest posts. The Comet sounds like a kindred spirit of my son James. Constant energy and chatter.
Actually all three kids are incessant talkers. I kid you not! I have introverted leanings, and I often get drained - longing for privacy and silence. It is hard to find a balance.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, but have you talked to your husband about ingredients 1 and 2? Maybe he could step up and spend some time with your kids during “school time” - or whenever - depending on his work schedule. You could get out, visit a friend, take a walk, have a cup of Java at Barnes and Nobles. I find those escapes - as infrequent as they are - are essential to keeping my tenuous grasp on sanity.
“The problem is this: my husband wants me to pick one scenario and stick with it. If I go the public school route, that’s final…no bringing them home. He wants me to be totally committed to whichever decision we reach.”
That’s like saying, “The kids are sick, so we can give them medicine if you want. But if you decide to give them the medicine, you will have to make them keep taking it for the rest of their lives - there will be no ‘the kids are better now, so let’s stop the medicine’.”
I am sorry to hear of your struggles. I wish I could tell you the absolute correct answer for all time, but I don’t even know you so I can’t do something like that.
I do not think you will have failed your children forever if you put them in public school for a season or for all time. Everything I have read says that parental involvement is the one thing that surpasses all factors in a child’s education. So long as you maintain the involvement, they will likely be fine.
I would tend to agree with your husband that it is a decision that cannot be taken lightly and that children should not be put in the system and then taken out again. The issues may have nothing to do with education, per se. You have to be sure what the root of the problem is and that public school is the answer to that, or you are only passing off the problem to be dealt with later.
That said, it seems like it should not be an absolute. I don’t know…I am sort of with tamago23. An if it isn’t working or you find things are getting worse, what can you do? But then, I can’t argue with your husband.
Those are just some random thoughts from an absolute stranger who happened to click through the mybloglog thingy. So take it for what its worth. : )
Full disclosure, I don’t believe in homeschool for a whole host of reasons.
That being said, I don’t imagine your kids are being damaged by it.
I think that using a public school tour as a threat is a horrible idea for too many reasons to count but I’ll give you a few.
1. Public school kids are potential friends for your children, don’t slam the door on that.
2. If your children go to PS one day they might actually enjoy it
3. Empty threats are the best way to lose all authority with your children. When I say I’m going to do something I follow through on it. This is why my children respond to my words.
4. Your children do not KNOW that homeschool is better than PS, they simply believe it is because you’ve told them so. What happens when you take a tour and they think you’re wrong?
Schools do more than just the basics. My daughter went to public school for a few years and my son for one.
I belive in them but ours are failing. If we didn’t have the money for private I’d find myself in the workplace to pay for it.
I’m not criticizing your parenting. I’ve come to look forward to your posts and comments on my blog but I’d urge you to not think of Public School as a failure but maybe as a next step for kids you’ve launched.
ack with #1 I meant that there are public school kids in your neighborhood and you don’t want your kids insulting them.
Are you crocked?
Is the pot all used up?
I’m curious where you’re at on all of this, I can’t be the only one waiting for an entry.
Age related, yeah — YOUR age, not so much the kids!
I had our daughter and son at 35 and 40. Looking back so far (they are teens now) my aging and different stages of life have had much more to do with what’s going on with my internal life than their ages.
Still does, here in menopause and don’t-wanna-drive-at-night, much less let YOU drive!- land.
So maybe YOU need a campus to tour or someone to listen to your thoughts and ideas all day, even if it’s a tape recorder? Maybe you’re the one who needs some outside education support that you could start and never stop?
JJ