*Scrappitydoodah*

Stephanie at Tribe of Autodidacts recently wrote about the upbeat stories everyone tends to post, and I can say I’ve lamented this, myself. All the well-behaved kids with lots of smarts who love to learn with nary a troublesome act for mama…where can I get one of those? But, of course, I’m guilty of posting the good days and not the bad, myself, so I thought I’d take this time to get real and share my day today. There will be absolutely no attempt at proper sentence structure, nor subject/verb tense. I’m too tired for structure right now.

Here we go!
1. Stayed up waaaaay too late playing on the computer.

2. As a result, I slept in waaaaay too late.

3. Until after 10.

4. When my kids woke me up by climbing in bed with me to snuggle.

5. Where they fought over who got to be beside me.

6. Which ended with a pointy elbow in my boob.

7. Which made me yell at the kids for fighting.

8. Sent kids to get dressed and shuffled to the bathroom.

9. Where I found a trail of blood.

10. From the doorway to the toilet.

11. And on the rugs.

12. And the counter.

13. And all over the light switch.

14. Because my son had a nose bleed in the night and didn’t tell me.

15. Cleaned up mess.

16. Checked his nose. (Notice I cleaned the mess first. Bad mother, much?)

17. Made breakfast ala box mix cinnamon muffins.

18. We didn’t eat them until 11:00.

19. Signed up for postcard exchange online.
20. While my kids fought over who got to sit where.

21. And negotiated tv time.

22. And computer time.

23. And gameboy time (borrowed from a friend).

24. Because electronics are okay when we aren’t having school.

25. And sometimes when we are.

26. Hung out with kids until time to shower before doctor’s appointment.

27. For a med check.

28. Because I take Effexor.

29. And I love it.

30. And I’m not ashamed.

31. Because it makes me a better mother.

32. Not that you can tell it by this post, but whatever.

33. Told kids to get in van.

34. Yelled at kids because they were taking too long to get in the van.

35. Got out of van to help the one who is melting down because the seatbelt won’t buckle right.

36. Use time at stoplights to put on powder and lipstick.

37. Check clock on dash repeatedly because I think now I might be late.

38. Finally realize I have just enough time to get there a couple of minutes early.

39. Until I see the sign ahead…”ROAD CLOSED AHEAD. DETOUR.”

40. Say ’shit’ under my breath.

41. Apologize because my son heard it.

42. Drive way out of my way because of detour.

43. Breaking a couple of speeding laws in the process.

44. Manage to arrive right on time.

45. Tell the kids if they are well-behaved, they can see the birds on the way out. (My doctor has a room with about seven tropical birds in huge cages in her office. It’s a large building.)

46. We wait one hour before they call me back.

47. Realize it is now four and we didn’t even think about lunch.

48. No one has had any protein today.

49. And now everyone’s blood sugar is beginning to drop and they are feeling squicky.
50. And the doctor is nowhere to be seen.

51. Open the door to find a clock and receive a nasty look from the girl behind the desk.

52. And the doctor steps up to my door.

53. We go back into the room and the doctor smiles and notices the kids are reading or writing. “Are you doing your schoolwork?” she asks. (She knows we homeschool. Her office is really cool about explaining things to them, too. This is my OB.)

54. The Sun says she has to use the bathroom.

55. So does the Comet.

56. The doctor points the way so we can get on with it. We have waited 1 hour and twenty minutes. The visit takes five. This could have been done over the phone.

57. But it’s their policy to do it in person. Something about insurance.

58. The kids ask about the birds. I am starving and want to get my husband for dinner, and I lie and tell my kids the birds aren’t there today, “ISN’T THAT RIGHT, DOCTOR?”

59. On the way out, The Sun tells the receptionist I didn’t give them any lunch.

60. I just give her a great big smile and take my prescription from the desk.

61. We head out the door to the van and they argue over who has to shut the van door.
62. I don’t even start…I just get out and close the door myself.

63. But the wind blows, and The Comet’s paper flies out into the parking lot.

64. He unbuckles and runs after it.

65. And the wind blows again, and he runs some more.

66. Finally we are all in the van, and all doors are closed.

67. Everyone starts whining they are starving.

68. I feel like Bad Mother of the Year because of course they are hungry and of course their blood sugars are low and it’s all my fault because we ate breakfast so late and didn’t have any lunch.

69. I tell them don’t worry, we will be having dinner very, very soon, because we are going to stop at my husband’s place of business and go to dinner with him.

70. But he’s already left. I missed him by just a few minutes.

71. Dramatic melt-down ensues. The Sun begins crying (without tears, mind you) that she is starving. “MOMMY! MOMMY! I’M STARVING!” Over and over.

72. And over.

73. I try to be kind and sympathetic but she is having none of it.

74. I heave many huge sighs and tell myself over and over in my head that I suck.

75. We get to the house and my husband walks into the room and The Sun’s meltdown magically stops.

76. I begin grabbing things from the fridge and tell him how we had tried to pick him up for dinner and we are all starving because we didn’t have lunch. He says ‘great idea, let’s go out,’ because he is just that wonderful. He mentions I am very pale and I look in the mirror.

77. Wow, I haven’t seen that milky skin since college! Wish I could bottle that.

78. We get back in the van and the kids are well-behaved and we have a wonderful meal at Las Lomos, complete with the most awesome Chimi Cheesecake–OMG it’s so good.

79. The server shows the kids the fish eggs in the aquarium and between my husband and the server, the kids get a lesson on the nesting habits of mama fish. Very cool.

80. We go home and I call to see how late the pharmacy is open. I head back out the door, where The Sun stops me and asks to go.

81. She gives me the lower lip tremble and the watery eyes when I tell her no.

82. She begs.

83. I refuse to feel guilty because I. Need. Time. Alone. Desperately.

84. When I get back, all three kids run to me like they haven’t seen me in a week and throw themselves in my arms.

85. The Sun tells me The Comet cried for me.

86. “But only three times,” he tells me.

87. I don’t understand why he cried for me because he is with me all day, nearly every day, and he says it’s because he wasn’t having any fun with his sisters.

88. Who tell me he is lying and they had tons of fun and got along just fine.

89. The rest of the evening was good.

90. Because it was their bedtime. Mwahaha!